What was My Thinking?

There was a time in my life when the body was not nourished: not hungry, not nourished. There is a difference.

I made food. I ate food. I sat down to meals. But my body wasn’t getting what it required, and I knew it.

What was the thinking back then?

The thinking was loud and crazy. The thinking was my opinions about food with rules and restrictions: What I can and cannot eat. What is okay to eat. How much I should or should not eat. What I want to eat. What I am craving to eat. What I will eat.

My thinking was about me: judgments and fears about myself and making choices, and always thinking about what to do next because I was so busy. Because I was malnourished, I thought about food all the time. Food became my addiction.

I loved eating food. I loved the taste of food. I found great pleasure in being in the kitchen cooking and preparing food. I loved discussing food with people and going to restaurants. But I was afraid of eating the food because of what the food might do to me. I was afraid of being fat. I thought if I was fat, no one would like me. (My biggest fear was not being liked and being alone.)

My thinking was loud and logical to me, but it was all lies.

Here’s what I know now:

When the body is starving, the thinking is loud.

When the body is nourished, the thinking gets quieter.

I noticed this slowly over years. As I started digesting nutrients consistently, the loud thinking softened. The criticism lessened, the food rules loosened, and I stopped hearing that constant voice that told me to restrict food.

That was my mind for decades, and I share it because I know I’m not alone. If any of this sounds familiar — the rules, the fear, the loud thinking — please know it can change through nourishment.

Eat nutrient dense food to nourish your body and mind, and the thinking will change. 

Welcome to the meal. 

Stacy

I share my experiences and my perspective. Eating and healing look different for everyone. If you are struggling with food or your relationship with your body, please find support. You don’t have to do this alone.