Self-Reflection
Over a decade ago, I left Southern California and moved to a Hawaiian island. As I sit on my ball and reflect on this life since moving to Hawaii, I recognize how really proud I am of myself. The pride doesn’t come from thinking extra highly about myself or believing I am the best. My pride comes from acknowledging my changes: my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual growth.
I believe my greatest achievement in the last 12 years has been my elimination of fears. I have eliminated the fear of many things like the fear of eating food, being left, being unwanted, not being perfect, being alone when I get older, and not being liked. The fear of not being good enough, not being lovable, being around people, talking with people, and allowing people to know me. The fear of making mistakes, doing wrong, failing, making choices, being annoying, trusting people, living, and taking care of myself.
To eliminate fears, I did whatever work was necessary for my healing. I took risks and made efforts to be better when I was mentally, emotionally, and physically not well. I intentionally put myself in situations that made me confront and deal with fear. I attended Vipassana meditation courses and actively participated in years of therapy sessions. I set my mind on being better. I was dedicated and insistent to become a better human than I was before. I learned to detach myself from stories I had believed were 100% true. I learned that life can be about making choices and taking ownership of my actions rather than be about wrong and right/good and bad. I learned to have a healthy relationship with food, the body, the thoughts, and the emotions. I learned to take care of myself first before taking care of others. I learned the importance of loving myself and enjoying life.
In the last 12+ years, I believe I wasted time on worrying. For one whole year, I worried about a first kiss, and then never saw the person. I spent over a decade worrying about how food would change my body, and then I learned that food nourishment is essential for my survival and thriving state. I worried about having a someone special to enjoy life with, and then I learned that I am the someone special to enjoy this life with.
Worry, the constant stress of thinking about the present situation and future possibilities, consumed my life.
To stop my worrying, I focus my mind on what I am doing rather than possible future outcomes. I focus my mind on solving problems if there is a problem. I focus my mind on what I have planned for the day. I focus my mind on trusting and knowing I can handle any future outcome. I acknowledge that there is the thought of a fear. I do not focus on the fear. I focus on living life and enjoying each moment how I can.
Thinking about your last 10+ years, I encourage you to reflect for yourself. What has been your greatest achievement? What did you waste your time on? How have you grown? How is your life different? How is your life the same? Did you take the risks that you wanted to? Did you change in order to become better? What has brought you the greatest joy? Are your actions more aligned with your values? What have you learned? What do you still dream of? What are you still desiring? What are you still challenged with?
Aloha🌺😁
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